Elsewhere In Football #23
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
Where Does the Coach End and the Parent Begin?
I found myself in an uncomfortable moment the other day
My son had just finished school. I’d had a long morning coaching. He asked if we could go outside and play.
So we did.
No hesitation. No “give me five minutes.” No finishing emails. Laptop down. Phone left inside. We went straight out the door.
And for the first 20 minutes, it was great.
Then something crept in.
Boredom.
And almost immediately after that — guilt.
Because here’s the thing: I’m a football coach. I spend every day working with other people’s children. I’m patient. I’m engaged. I love it. It’s a responsibility I cherish.
So why was it that 20 minutes into playing with my own son, I felt my energy dipping?
That’s not an easy thing to admit. But it got me thinking about something I don’t think we talk about enough — the coach–parent divide.
It’s Okay to Feel What You Feel.....
The first realisation I had was this: It’s okay to feel that way.
As coaches, we hold ourselves to high standards. We’re patient. We’re composed. We’re “on” when we step into our environment.
But parenting is different. There is no session end time. There is no whistle to blow. There is no switching off.
As a coach, you might get 90 minutes fully engaged with a group — intense, focused, professional energy. Then you step away.
As a parent, you don’t. You are always on call.
That’s not a complaint — it’s a privilege. But it’s also reality. And acknowledging that reality doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
Turning Up Is Half the Battle....
One thing I did get right that day?
I turned up.
When my son asked to go outside, I went. I wasn’t “too busy.” I wasn’t “too tired.” I didn’t hide behind work. That’s a win.
As parents, we all know finding the time and energy isn’t always easy. But the fact that I said yes — that matters. And when I go outside with him, I’m intentional about it:
The laptop goes down.
The phone stays inside.
There are no distractions.
If we’re playing, we’re playing.
Fully immersed.
Those are ticks in the win column. Maybe they sound obvious. But in today’s world, they’re not.
A Coach and a Parent Are Not the Same Role...
This was the biggest thought for me: A coach and a parent are very different things.
As a coach:
You have structure.
You have defined time blocks.
You have objectives.
You have professional boundaries.
As a parent:
There is no structure unless you create it.
The time never really ends.
The emotional investment is deeper.
The responsibility is constant.
And maybe — just maybe — that’s why the energy feels different. With other people’s children, you can give 100% in controlled bursts. With your own child, you are emotionally invested in every moment. That takes something different from you. It doesn’t mean you ca re less. It means the role is heavier.
The Decision I Made..
As I reflected on it, I decided something simple.
I can give 45 intentional minutes a day.
Forty-five minutes with:
No phone.
No work.
No distractions.
No half-presence.
Just me and my son doing something active:
A walk.
A kickabout.
A cycle.
A swim.
Even just playing with toys.
Not because I have to. Because I choose to.
As coaches, we design sessions. We structure environments. We plan development.
Why not bring that same intentionality into our parenting — not in a rigid way, but in a protected way?
A Question for You.....
If you’re a coach and a parent, ask yourself:
Where does the coach end and the parent begin?
Are you holding yourself to impossible standards at home?
Are you judging yourself more harshly than you would another parent?
And are you giving yourself credit for the wins?
Leaving the phone inside? That’s a win.
Showing up consistently? That’s a win.
Because going outside when your child asks? That’s a win.
Final Thought...
We spend our lives helping other people’s children grow. But the most important development environment we’ll ever influence is at home. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be endlessly entertained. You don’t have to perform. You just have to be there.
Present. Intentional. Human.
And sometimes, that’s more than enough
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